Upper School Parents' Night

What follows is the text of my talk with Upper School Parents on October 6, 2010.

Strictly speaking, I’m not going to address the usual Parents’ Night topics. I’m not going to talk about our fantastically passionate and committed faculty. I’m not going to talk about our proven academic program. I’m not going to talk about what a great start to the year we’ve enjoyed. I’m not going to talk about our graduates and all the things that an EFS education can prepare you for. Rather, I’m going to talk a little about the past and the future.

Sally Jarzab, in our development office, recently unearthed some interesting history about EFS. As the school marks its 115^th year since incorporation, it is fascinating to see how much has changed and how much has stayed the same.

Both the Elmwood School and the Franklin School were founded in the Elmwood District in the late 19^th century. Prior to their founding, Buffalo was sometimes referred to as an “educational desert.”

In 1914, the Elmwood School established Buffalo’s first parent council, then called the Mother’s Council.

In the 1920s children would often arrive at the Franklin School in the mornings by chauffeured limousine.

Changing class periods were announced at the Elmwood School by the school secretary banging a gong in the hallways.

As part of the new-fangled social studies class at the Elmwood School in 1930, students were given the assignment of looking ahead 10 years and describing life and culture. One group of students predicted that, by 1940, children would simply “sit in chairs, tuned in constantly to elaborate radios for every kind of communication and instruction.”

Tuition at the Franklin School for the 1938-39 school year ranged from $175 for kindergarten to $375 for 8^th grade. Remember, median family income was under $2000.

So what does this tell us about EFS then and now?

• EFS has always been a recognized educational leader in Buffalo.
• The school has always valued innovation.
• Limos and chauffeurs, still proliferate. We just call them the limos SUVs and the chauffeur is known as mom.
• Kids always dream about how school can be less painful and more fun. Unfortunately, for our little dreamers, school always has been and always will be hard work.
• Many through the years have recognized EFS as a worthy investment in the future.

Last week, my daughter Lucy asked me for help on her history homework. I was thrilled. This is the same kid who when I asked her last year what she’d like to be when she grows up, replied, “I think I want to be a history teacher…” Imagine how my chest puffed out. She wants to be a history teacher like her father, I thought. I’d never heard her say anything like this before. Of course, before I could tell her how proud I was that she wanted to follow in my footsteps, she completed her sentence with three words that crushed my spirit, “…like Ms. Drew.” Even though I hadn’t quite recovered from this slight, I jumped at the chance to help her with her homework.

Mr. Garra’s assignment was to read some rules for civility that George Washington had written to practice his handwriting as a child and then to see if those rules had any relevance today. As we read them together, I couldn’t help but smile. The rules for appropriate behavior that our first president was taught as a child are exactly the same as what we all try to teach our children now. Sure they were stated differently, but the sentiments are universal.

First, the words that young George Washington wrote, and then I’ll translate them into today’s vernacular. Parents may hear themselves in these words:

“Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.” Or as we might say today, treat others as you would like to be treated.

“Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your peace, walk not on when others stop.”  Translated for 21^st century parents, “Listen to me when I’m talking to you,” or, “Take that iPod out of your ears before I throw it out the window.”

“Kill no vermin as fleas, lice, ticks, etc in the sight of others, if you see any filth or thick spittle put your foot dexterously upon it. If it be upon the clothes of your companions, put it off privately and if it be upon your own cloths return thanks to him who puts it off.” With today’s notion of privacy being stretched to its limit, we find ourselves reminding students that privacy can afford us all a little dignity in embarrassing situations. Parents might want to remind their kids not to post family secrets on Facebook.

“Read no letters, books, or papers in company but when there is a necessity for the doing it, you must ask leave.” Don’t text at the dinner table!

“Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another though he were your enemy.” Never kick someone when they’re down.

“Speak not injurious words neither in jest nor earnest. Scoff at none although they may give you occasion.” Teasing isn’t funny to the one being teased.

And finally, “Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for tis better to be alone than in bad company.” Or put as I heard my father say many times, “Just because your friends jump off a bridge doesn’t mean you should.”

See, simple, universal, timeless themes. Some of the issues may be different – Washington’s parents didn’t have to contend with the concern of George being exposed to adult themes at a young age through TV, movies, music, and the internet. They didn’t have to worry about email, texting, and IMing replacing good old fashioned human contact as the preferred modes of communication or the notion that how many “friends” you have is more important than the depth of those friendships. Nevertheless, the overall lessons are exactly what we all hope our children learn and learn well; what we know for a fact will stand them in good stead at Elmwood Franklin School, in high school and college, in their relationships and their careers.

These rules were drilled into George Washington’s consciousness by his copying them in his own handwriting. To those of us who spent time at the board in school, writing things like, “I promise not to take my neighbor’s pencil without asking,” over and over again until the teacher finally took mercy on us, this method of learning important lessons is familiar. Of course we don’t do that sort of thing any more, but I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. If we did, I can hear one of our students telling his teacher, “I could cut and paste it much faster.”

While parenting styles and pedagogy change, good character is always in fashion. Indeed, Elmwood Franklin’s mission has consistently spoken to the importance of positive character development as well as academic excellence. Our themes for the year – respect and celebration – demand action of our students in order to live up to our mission. Respect speaks to an attitude, but celebration asks that we all reach a little farther, to look for opportunities to celebrate the gifts that each member of this community has to offer.

I think the white noise of technology that bombards our children today makes teaching these old fashioned lessons more difficult – and more important – so I hope I can count on you to support our themes through your words and deeds throughout this year. When we work together, all our children benefit. Thank you, in advance. I’m looking forward to a great school year.

Even Superman Can't Fight City Hall

"Superman ran into politics, and in the world of education that's kryptonite."

So ends the blog posting of Jim Stergios on Boston.com announcing Michelle Rhee's resignation as chancellor of the DC public schools and referencing the recently released documentary on the state of public schools, Waiting for Superman. It's a great line!

Although many have judged Rhee during her short tenure - yes, 3 1/2 years is a very short time to try to fix something that took decades to break - only time will really prove her ideas and methods right or wrong. What seems indisputable, however, is that she generated energy, national attention, enthusiasm, new ideas, and, oh by the way, lots and lots of money all to benefit DC's school children. No doubt, Michelle Rhee will find another job - probably a very high paying, high profile job - so I'm left thinking the only ones losing out in all this are the kids of Washington, DC...again.

A Celebration of the "Dangers" of Childhood

Here's a book for the consideration of all parents. Fifty Dangerous Things (you should let your children do) caught my attention simply because of the title. What's that they say about judging a book by it's cover? Not only do most of the fifty things, e.g., make a slingshot, play with dry ice, burn things with a magnifying glass,  lick a 9-volt battery, remind me fondly of my childhood, but they make me sad that most of today's children will never experience this sort of living on the edge, mine included. The author, Gever Tulley, is both nostalgic and purpose driven. He recently spoke at Canisius College, where he read from his book and spoke about the importance of hands-on, self-directed learning as being critical to the development of the kind of creativity and love of learning that is largely absent from today's test driven schooling. In their article on his talk, The Buffalo News quotes Mr. Tulley, "When we're teaching children, we shouldn't worry so much about the facts that they're learning, the techniques that they're learning, but how well they're learning to love learning. If we produce children who are voracious, self-directed learners, they can learn and adapt to anything." Here's to teaching your nine-year-old to drive over the weekend.

Lower School Parents' Night

What follows is my address to Lower School parents on September 30, 2010.

Welcome back to school. 

A colleague at a DC area independent school recently sent me a blog posting from The Washington Post's website titled, Surviving Back to School Night. It begins:

An administrator at a school in Montgomery County welcomed several hundred parents at back-to-school night by relating his extensive experience as an educator and as a soldier. 

Then he said, “So you can see I am very qualified. So, do I know more than you do about the curriculum? Yes I do. Do I know more about [student] placement? Yes I do. Do I want your opinion? No I don’t.”

The crowd was effectively cowed.

This, admittedly, is not the best way to start back- to-school night, but it points to two problems that can mar the evening when parents and teachers meet at the start of the new year. The two problems: the parents and the teachers.

Pretty funny column, actually, with a little truth sprinkled in for sure. I don’t view Parents’ Night this way, however.

Parents’ Night is a wonderful opportunity for parents to get a little taste of what your children experience every day: expert, passionate, nurturing teachers, stimulating lessons and activities aimed at developing academic skills and confidence, cutting edge technology that helps to actively engage students in their learning, a facility specifically designed for the needs of students in preschool through 8^th grade, and an environment in which high standards for character are as important as high standards for academic excellence.

I’ve come to the conclusion – after more than 20 years as a teacher and administrator in independent schools – that we educate first and foremost by relationship. Yes, we have formal curricula around academics and the arts. And while we’re always looking to improve what we offer, using the best resources available, it is through relationships – between student, teacher, and parent – that the real magic happens. We all know a fire needs fuel to burn, a pile of wood simply isn’t enough. There needs to be a spark and then the fire needs to be fed by oxygen to continue burning. That’s what this school does. That’s what these teachers do. That’s what you do as parents. Together we bring the fuel, the spark, and the oxygen together. Because each child is different, how and when the elements come together to make fire differs. I can hear my own father muttering to himself something like, “The teacher’s providing the spark and blowing really hard, but my kid is like wet wood. He won’t burn.” And that was an apt description of me and my brothers at certain times. And you may be thinking something similar. It’s important to remember, all wood dries in its own time. EFS is a ten-year experience. Some of our students arrive red hot and we can all sit back and enjoy watching the fire. Others are just beginning to smolder when they graduate, but because all the elements were brought together here, early, under the watchful eye of master fire starters, when EFS students and graduates are ready to burn, everything is in place. And the secret is that we do this together. No one element is more important than the other. We need engaged students, excellent teachers, and involved parents.

I have a quick story about a graduate that offers me the chance to brag a little. Hope you don’t mind.
Buffalo Business First recently published a list of the 26 local high school seniors who were named National Merit Semifinalists, meaning their PSAT scores were among the top 1% of all students who took the test last year. James Dryden, EFS class of 2007, is on the list. Anyone who knows James won’t be surprised by this recognition. He’s a very smart and talented, not to mention nice, young man. High schools often claim credit for their highest flyers, but genetics and native curiosity have a lot more to do with success on the PSAT and SAT than high school honors and AP classes. On the other hand, I would posit that elementary schools like Elmwood Franklin School play a huge role. No matter how bright – or to go back to the fire analogy, how good the wood – love of learning and great study habits are developed and fostered at a young age. These teachers and this curriculum engendered in James a passion for knowledge and school, and helped to build his confidence to perform to his considerable capability, thus putting him in the position to succeed later in school. Without the foundation he got here, he might only be in the top 5%. That’s why the teachers are here: to build those skills and confidence. And I think that’s why you’re here too: to ensure that your child maximizes her or his potential.

But back to why we’re here tonight. For teachers, Parents’ Night represents a chance to help parents put in context what they hear from their children and other parents and to inform future individual discussions later in the year. In many schools, report cards are seen as the primary mode of communication between school and parents. I see them as the least important of all the ways in which we convey information about your children. Remember, it’s about the relationships, not the reports. Tonight represents an important stone in the foundation we’re building together. Parents’ Night is meant to give you a sense of the big picture, to get you excited about what the kids get to do in school each day – this isn’t the time to ask individual questions about your child. In November and again in March we have conferences that provide us a formal time to give feedback and hear your insights and to strategize together. And in between, our teachers are available for questions anytime they’re not teaching. As with any relationship, our partnership takes time and deliberate effort to make it work well.

I look forward to working together with you, the faculty, and your children to make this another great year.