What follows is my address to Lower School parents on September 30, 2010.
Welcome back to school.
An administrator at a school in Montgomery County welcomed several hundred parents at back-to-school night by relating his extensive experience as an educator and as a soldier.Pretty funny column, actually, with a little truth sprinkled in for sure. I don’t view Parents’ Night this way, however.
Then he said, “So you can see I am very qualified. So, do I know more than you do about the curriculum? Yes I do. Do I know more about [student] placement? Yes I do. Do I want your opinion? No I don’t.”
The crowd was effectively cowed.
This, admittedly, is not the best way to start back- to-school night, but it points to two problems that can mar the evening when parents and teachers meet at the start of the new year. The two problems: the parents and the teachers.
Parents’ Night is a wonderful opportunity for parents to get a little taste of what your children experience every day: expert, passionate, nurturing teachers, stimulating lessons and activities aimed at developing academic skills and confidence, cutting edge technology that helps to actively engage students in their learning, a facility specifically designed for the needs of students in preschool through 8th grade, and an environment in which high standards for character are as important as high standards for academic excellence.
I’ve come to the conclusion – after more than 20 years as a teacher and administrator in independent schools – that we educate first and foremost by relationship. Yes, we have formal curricula around academics and the arts. And while we’re always looking to improve what we offer, using the best resources available, it is through relationships – between student, teacher, and parent – that the real magic happens. We all know a fire needs fuel to burn, a pile of wood simply isn’t enough. There needs to be a spark and then the fire needs to be fed by oxygen to continue burning. That’s what this school does. That’s what these teachers do. That’s what you do as parents. Together we bring the fuel, the spark, and the oxygen together. Because each child is different, how and when the elements come together to make fire differs. I can hear my own father muttering to himself something like, “The teacher’s providing the spark and blowing really hard, but my kid is like wet wood. He won’t burn.” And that was an apt description of me and my brothers at certain times. And you may be thinking something similar. It’s important to remember, all wood dries in its own time. EFS is a ten-year experience. Some of our students arrive red hot and we can all sit back and enjoy watching the fire. Others are just beginning to smolder when they graduate, but because all the elements were brought together here, early, under the watchful eye of master fire starters, when EFS students and graduates are ready to burn, everything is in place. And the secret is that we do this together. No one element is more important than the other. We need engaged students, excellent teachers, and involved parents.
I have a quick story about a graduate that offers me the chance to brag a little. Hope you don’t mind.
Buffalo Business First recently published a list of the 26 local high school seniors who were named National Merit Semifinalists, meaning their PSAT scores were among the top 1% of all students who took the test last year. James Dryden, EFS class of 2007, is on the list. Anyone who knows James won’t be surprised by this recognition. He’s a very smart and talented, not to mention nice, young man. High schools often claim credit for their highest flyers, but genetics and native curiosity have a lot more to do with success on the PSAT and SAT than high school honors and AP classes. On the other hand, I would posit that elementary schools like Elmwood Franklin School play a huge role. No matter how bright – or to go back to the fire analogy, how good the wood – love of learning and great study habits are developed and fostered at a young age. These teachers and this curriculum engendered in James a passion for knowledge and school, and helped to build his confidence to perform to his considerable capability, thus putting him in the position to succeed later in school. Without the foundation he got here, he might only be in the top 5%. That’s why the teachers are here: to build those skills and confidence. And I think that’s why you’re here too: to ensure that your child maximizes her or his potential.
But back to why we’re here tonight. For teachers, Parents’ Night represents a chance to help parents put in context what they hear from their children and other parents and to inform future individual discussions later in the year. In many schools, report cards are seen as the primary mode of communication between school and parents. I see them as the least important of all the ways in which we convey information about your children. Remember, it’s about the relationships, not the reports. Tonight represents an important stone in the foundation we’re building together. Parents’ Night is meant to give you a sense of the big picture, to get you excited about what the kids get to do in school each day – this isn’t the time to ask individual questions about your child. In November and again in March we have conferences that provide us a formal time to give feedback and hear your insights and to strategize together. And in between, our teachers are available for questions anytime they’re not teaching. As with any relationship, our partnership takes time and deliberate effort to make it work well.
I look forward to working together with you, the faculty, and your children to make this another great year.
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